... when you're trying really hard to be very happy and positive, deep down you're still upset about things. i'm a passionate person. passionate people are made up of fuel.. and it's that fuel that let's things burn very deeply for a very long time. some people operate being made up of just sparks.. things flicker to life then die just as quickly with the wind. i'm not one of those people.. my love is strong, my anger is strong and my morals are strong as well. i know right from wrong, as we all do, and i think long and hard about what my actions can do to the lives of others. i only keep people in my life that are genuinely good people in that sense as well.. because.. well.. i'm worth more than allowing myself to be tossed away. and everytime i'm tossed away.. or told i'm very dear to someone but in the end not treated that way.. whether it's a guy or family or a friend, i become a little more bitter, sad, hurt and jaded than before. those feelings also have alot of fuel behind them and no matter how hard i try to cover them up, they do have their release at times.
and that's ok. the fuel just takes time to run out.. and luckily i spend my life with long lasting passions rather than momentary sparks. i might have less fun and impulsiveness going on.. but when i do have something going on, it's true and real and has weight to it.
alot of these "spark" people have extreme happiness and overwhelming depression because their balance is off kilter.. and that's not at all what i consider a good way to live. i'll take a smoother balance with occasional happy and sad spikes that return to normal after awhile over that mental torture any day.. because i'm not gonna pretend i'm so super happy to gain attention.. then act so super depressed to gain attention. i give myelf plenty of attention which means i'm not in constant desperation to get it from everyone around me. those "quick to love" people are also "quick to leave" people.. because they don't take anything or anyone seriously. they'll shower you with love just as quickly as they'll talk about you behind your back.
i may not have a ton of friends but the ones i do have (for keeps) aren't just sparks to excite me for that moment.
